It is difficult to see a positive side of being tossed around on a sailing boat no more than 12m long for 30+ hours non-stop. I was also starved, unable to retain anything in my digestive system after emptying the entire contents of my stomach the wrong way just 3 hours into the voyage.
In the event, the 35+ knots wind that had kept up during the night eased a bit by the dawn of the second day into the 20’s, and the 5~6m waves had calmed down to 3~4m. I managed to squeeze some bread down my throat after 26 hours of fasting as we raised Hachijojima island, about 170 nautical miles south of Enoshima, our home marina.
Sure, there are some obvious compensations for the hardship: some yarns to spin at the bar, bragging rights, certain imaginary badges of achievements in the eyes of your peers.
But what is the real value of the whole experience for me, personally?
I suppose it is just having been there. I saw the Milky Way dividing the starry night sky. I stared into the dark sea lit up by the luminance from the sea sparkles. I saw the island emerging from the mist of clouds over the horizon. Actually, I did not just see these things. I was there. I was in it. The whole raw nature surrounded me and I was a part of it.
“I am a part of all that I have met.”
It is difficult to convey the sensation in words, and all the more precious for it. It is probably something I will have to carry within me as long as I live, unable to give it away, being of little value to anyone else. It is a kind of secret I have to keep with myself. Eventually, a series of such secrets might define who I am in time. To myself.
Yutaka Yazawa 